After the rain...

AFTER THE RAIN….

…And I am scared if you know what I feel you will reject me. It's like the history is playing over. I feel alone, confused, I wish I could tell you… but it is just that damn fear of being hurt the same way I was. You have no fault in this, I know… it is not your fault of this caution and this wall I keep to stay away from you. And if I could just get in your mind, to know what you feel, what you think, maybe things would be different. I understand you are maybe afraid too… there is this surrounding around us that makes things way to difficult for both of us. It is like I can see the sun, but the sunshine can't touch me. You're trying to make me understand, and I do, tough it doesn't seem so. Just try to understand me. I am ready for everything. I would go to the end of this world for you; I would fight against everything standing in our way. I would… I just need you here by my side doing the same.



You make one step forward two backwards… you seem to hide this strong pain inside you and I can feel it no matter how hard you try to keep it away. It is not working… I can see through you, when I look into your eyes I can see your soul, but no I can't reach to see your heart, I can't see if I am taking a place in it. Am I?



I sit in this dark room, while the rain is pouring on the earth making everything to hide away and search for protection. I do not have who to go to. I see the droops making their way on the window, racing in which one is going to fall down faster. Racing to their end, To their disappearance. Just like I did. I've headed to my own disaster… and tough my heart was broken, I fought to find my strength, to believe that maybe something will change knowing that it won't. I watched the pieces of my heart shattered on the floor, million pieces, so tiny, thrown everywhere. I will never be able to pick them up. Even if I do, nothing will be the same. There is no clue that can put them together and made them one like before. You will be able to see the cracks in it, the scars always reminding on the endless struggle with everything around. The scars made of your effort to try to rise up the ruins of your world off your shoulders. But there is much more strength necessary than you have to do that. You need a new heart, you need something to erase the memories hunting you and you need someone by your side. Realizing you have none of that is starts to suffocate. You need to cry. To let the tears poor together with the rain. You need the relief. But it ain't coming. It like there are no more tears left. Like you have spent them all. You hope that the raining will bring the relief you need from the tears, but it don't. The rain stops and you finally could hear the song on your phone playing for hundredth time since you've been sitting there. Cause everything we used to be and used to feel. It all becomes so frightening real…after the rain. And the tears escape, finally. You feel like the pain is slowly leaving you, you know it will come back… you just enjoy the moment while it's gone. Eyes bloodshot haven't slept in ages. Body sore, you can't take this burden. The songs ends you wipe you're tears and lift your head up. Go out and face the world… not letting anyone to see your pain. MISTAKEN. They don't want to know, half of them would be glad you have the pain, half of them don't care. MISTAKEN AGAIN. There is someone that does care, through the pain's veil you don't see.



And I was afraid to love for so long, trying to forget. And I did. Then you came. Now not letting myself to make the same mistake I am drowning in my nightmare. It is your fault, but I can't blame you. Because you don't know this, and I don't know if you do, would you still did the same. Now it's raining again. The rain is pouring on the earth making everything to hide away and search for protection. I do not have who to go to. But I sit and wait the rain to come to a stop… I wait for the relief…I hope it will come, I know it will…but AFTER THE RAIN.